Emotional Intelligence

Khris and I have had many conversations about emotion and logic. We agree and disagree about a lot of it. In general we agree about some things but use different words to express it so it seems like we disagree. In English sometimes we have too many words with many different connotations. In the case of the words emotion and logic, I think we have too few and therein lies some of the problems when discussing this topic.

The Buddhists tell us that compassionate listening is meant to help us understand people so we can help them suffer less.

Emotions and logic. Why does it have to be one or the other? Why can't it be both? I think it can. That is emotional intelligence. That's where feeling comes in. That's where thinking comes in. That's where Buddhist philosophy comes in.

Emotions exist. If we didn't have them at all, we would be robots. We wouldn't need compassion.

But it's true, emotions can get us into a lot of trouble. People use emotions to manipulate. People get manipulated by emotions.

Emotions can lead to poor decision making. We can make decisions when we're in highly emotional states, either positive or negative. We can make rash decisions when we're excited or not take chances when our confidence is low.

We can bury our own emotions and not face them. Those emotions won't go away. They will get ugly. They will come out in ways sometimes where we don't even know what's happening. Emotions affect our health as well.

If we don't use our intelligence to face our own emotions and take care of ourselves, we will be less and less able to be compassionate with others. We will be less and less able to express gratitude. To share joy.

If we want to understand others, we need to understand ourselves. Empathy requires that we use our own experiences to imagine the experiences of others and how they must feel.

Emotions teach us things. They also allow us to feel things. I want to experience joy and gratitude and love and peace. There is suffering and injustice in the world. I will experience sadness and loneliness and anger and frustration.

I've learned recently, that I can pause and breathe and that my body will tell me what I'm feeling. What my emotion is teaching me. What is under that emotion.

Instead of lashing out or talking fast or pacing or whatever my body wanted to do, I need to pause. I need to breathe.

What is my body telling me? Can I listen to it with compassion? Am I afraid? Am I tired? Am I angry? Why am I angry? What am I afraid of? What's going on?

Breathe! Breathe! Breathe! My body will tell me what that emotion is all about. What am I protecting myself from by reacting so quickly? That anger is processing to protect me from something. That's combining logic and emotions to become feelings. I can express my feelings intelligently. Calmly.

I hope to remember to use more logic and intelligence to temper my emotions so they can become the way I feel and not act on them in ways that hurt me or others. That way I can listen to myself and others more compassionately to help us suffer less.