Two Life Lessons My Brother Never Knew He Taught Me

People always ask about the best advice you've ever received. I've learned 2 great lessons from my brother, but they weren't given to me as pieces of advice. He doesn't even remember them.

Lesson Number One: Not Complaining

When my brother was in college and did an internship, his college newspaper did an article about him and one of the questions was about his pet peeves. His answer for his pet peeve was complainers. I always remember that answer. It wasn't something that I expected. And it wasn't something like traffic or socks with sandals or not using turn signals.

I've noticed that in life since then in different ways. When I was in graduate school during the summer in Mississippi, a girl said to me once, "You never complain. I'm going to stop going on and on."

When I lived in Chicago and picked up my sister-in-law downtown at her work to head back up north to go to a Cubs game and there was a ton of rush hour traffic, she said to me, "Doesn't anything bother you?" I remember saying something like. "Of course, but it's rush hour and there's traffic. We'll get to the game."

Now I'm not saying I don't complain. I do. I am just more aware of it I think. I try not to annoy other people with constant complaining that they have to endure from me. I try to limit my complaining. I try to look at things from the point of view of what I can control and what I can't. And I try to avoid people who do nothing but complain.

This has helped me in my latest struggle with Fibromyalgia. I try my best not to get bogged down in a complaining mindset. I do complain and I long to be understood for my need to rest and I want people to know that I'm not faking or exaggerating my pain.  But I don't think complaining will help them understand me, and I don't want to be seen as a whiner or complainer.

Lesson Number Two: Allowing Room for Growth

When I used to work part time jobs for my brother's company, which provides files and file systems for companies, he once told me that they always leave a certain percentage of the system with empty space and files to allow "room for growth".

That phrase has stuck with me and I've used it in my life in many ways. With organizing and decluttering, it has obvious implications. I've made friends with empty space. If you fill everything completely, leaving no room for growth, the minute one new thing comes in, there's no place to put it and then you put it someplace "for now" or you stuff it in the drawer and what was the beautiful, organized space, now becomes overstuffed and begins to spin out of control.

Empty space is a beautiful thing in the physical environment and in your schedule. My niece and nephew always made fun of me for being on time or early when my other brother is always late. I explained to them my concept of buffer time. I allow a little extra time on both ends of the goal time. That takes care of unforeseen things like traffic, forgetting something and having to go back, an extra trip to the bathroom, a phone call, or stopping for gas, etc. I also like the quiet minutes I have when I arrive early. I don't like to rush all the time.

The minimalist movement is so extreme and takes a lot of energy-I like to just do my own version. I like things. I like happy things and cozy things. But I like to have just enough things and things I really like that allow me to have enough empty space to know what I have and enjoy those things. Empty space makes me feel free. It lets me rest. Lets my eyes rest. Lets my mind rest.

Empty space in the form of time makes my mind rest. When my schedule is not overcrowded, I know my body will not hurt in the same way it does when I overdo and don't build in rest. I know I will not be too tired to enjoy the things I actually do that day. I can browse. I can be present. I am not always living in the future because my present is too cluttered. I have room to grow.

Thanks, Billy! As I settle into my new place and into the next part of my life, I will take with me your lessons of not complaining and allowing room to grow!